Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
