dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
