i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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