Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize