I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
