I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
