u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
