cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
