Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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