I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
