Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
