Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You have to summon your inner elephant
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
