you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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