Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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