Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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