I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
