Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
