Umm I'm too high to move.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
