I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
