your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you traded sex for a burrito?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
