Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sorry my hands just texted you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
