Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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