no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
