I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
