I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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