Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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