Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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