people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
