The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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