You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
