It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I deserve this hangover.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
