i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
