Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
