is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
