Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
