dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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