it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Randomize
