So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
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The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
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Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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