thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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