I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
