you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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