why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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