i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
