So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
