People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
