Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
