So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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