omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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