This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Houston, we have a squirter
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
