You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I did not marry a roomba.
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