Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
