did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
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gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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