Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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