Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
