Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
