Soap is not a condiment
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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