I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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