He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
