Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
