R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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