is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
