"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
