Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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