we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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