Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
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You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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