Can i not drive my cunt home
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
