Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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