Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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