why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
